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Jammin' with The Naked Karate Girls

Naked Karate Girls: Just the name invokes daydreams of fine female flesh, toned tanned thighs in a live action pose. Tight calves straining on tippy toes. In essence it’s true too. The namesake may well refer to the fanatic female fans that frequent the shows. Or maybe not. According to the Naked Karate Girls... “We pulled it out of our ass”. Where ever it came from it’s the perfect name for the show if you ask me.
“Show” is used by every band. Many bands actually have no show. They take the stage looking more like customers than the actual customers. Sad. A cute suit ain’t gonna fill the bill either. The Naked Karate Girls pack a punch you can’t get with just a nice pair of pants. Props, crazy costumes, special effects, wacked audience cue signs, rubber chickens, silly string, rotary dial phones, megaphones and even modified leaf blowers (highly effective tools for instantly upskirting unsuspecting fans in the right hands), they all play a part in the show. Crowd sprays of counterfeit money, toilet paper, outrageous stage antics and chicks constantly stage front stripper pole dancing (with the occasional girl on girl) keep all eyes glued to the... show. Pole Dancing? The band even brings their own stripper pole stage. Ladies love taking turns, 2nd set (when the drinks kick in) it can get real interesting. It’s like two (count em’ two) shows in one! Not to mention the best live DJ during the breaks you’ve ever seen. He sings he dances he gets the ladies in a heaping pile of writhing flesh on the stage (think stripper twister) and then he dishes out free shots. Free shots. That’s a f#ck!ng show people. You already know you wanna go and I haven’t even mentioned what the hell the band plays yet.

OK, lots of cool costumes, comic mayhem & crazy bitches. Great, but what about the band? Behind the 1976 luxury lounge swinger gear hides four fine musicians. I’m not sure everyone notices, but it is the back bone of the band’s mojo. Do the sweaty squirming blondes in the front row even notice Mustang’s cool Eddie Van Halen finger tapping in Jump, or his subtle as a scream AC/DC solo? Are the girls swinging on the stripper pole picking up on how smooth Ponch bumps his bass on Get Down Tonight? Can the beer spilling blondes decipher Lieutenant Jack Woo’s dead nuts drum beat on Blitzkrieg Bop? My guess is... no. Do any of them stop mid step in the middle of Come Ride The Train and say to their girl friend with Bud Light breath “Wow, TeePee (The Suspect) jokes, sings, raps, dances, directs and all while pulling off the best 90’s rap montage I’ve ever seen, plus get all these people singing along” Probably not. Most likely they are movin right along with “the train”, hapless boyfriend far behind. I doubt any of the audience even realizes how good these guys are. But that doesn’t matter to the band. They come from Columbus with only one intention, to bring us the party.

The soundtrack to the Naked Karate Girl’s “Theatre of Party” ranges from music you grew up with know & loved (Poison, Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Queen, Bon Jovi) to music you love to laugh along with (Digital Underground, Fresh Prince, 2 Live Crew, Salt & Peppa). It’s far from serious, but stop & listen and you’ll see these guys are serious musicians. Not only are songs nicely twisted and tweaked to 2010 style, the arrangement has an intentional genre flow creating the polished feel of the show. It really is more soundtrack than set list. Total pro all the way.
Then again, why stop & listen? It’s Saturday night! Fifty hot wasted chicks are lettin’ loose, and forty more chicks are trying to out do the hot chicks. Just get jammed up stage front and mesh with the madness. It’s a sweaty sexy squeeze you’ll not see again, but you’ll damn sure want to. It personifies Party.

“Best Mid-West Party Band 2010” maybe? Probably, well, yeah, definitely. Think I’m exaggerating? Think again, look at page 18. That’s a Wednesday at Jefferson Hall. A Wednesday. They do it like this every Wednesday. Now, you wanna be there. If you have to be up bright & early Thursday morning (sad) don’t get pissed, the Naked Karate Girls are kickin’ ass & gettin’ funky every weekend night in September at these fine venues:

Check out the “Girls” and more at www.nakedkarategirls.com

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Interview with The Naked Karate Girls

The big boss man “Pickle” himself first told us about this band. “They are the best band I’ve seen in a while... we’re getting them over here and you guys have to come check it out... if you like the Menus you’ll really like these guys... they are very energetic the whole show, sometimes they’re just plain crazy... it’s always fun.”
I guess you might say Pickle was the talent scout on this one, he did good.
Billed as “Naked Karate Girls” this four piece packs a comedic punch into their kata. Think Second City Saturday Night Live vibes with an 80’s pop sound track just jammin’ and that will get your mind right about the NKG.
We saw the show (you can see it too at eastsidevibe.com) and after getting our thoughts together we decided no one could describe the Naked Karate Girls better than themselves, here’s the interview.

EV: First off introduce the band and tell us where your from.

NKG: We are all originally from Lake Oakauchokaubeech in upstate New Jersey.
TeePee (da suspect) is da lead singer. He is da master of disguise and is always out-smarting Mustang, Ponch and Lt. Jack Woo. Whedar he is stealthily dressed as a forward for da Harlem Globetrotters, a game show host, Easter bunny or member of Run DMC, his disguises change so quick dat even his real identity has been lost and he now lives in his own undercover party world. His favorite drink is Tab and 151.
Mustang is da guitarist. An understudy of Burt Reynolds and Erik Estrada, Mustang provides da pelvic thrusts and guitar daatrics for da Party Force. His stylish bouffant and slick leadar digs give Mustang da perfect uniform to catch dat crazy sucka TeePee. His favorite drink is can Schlitz beer.
Ponch is da bass player. He is da youngest member of da NHRA and CIA in history. Ponch can commonly be seen at da Playboy mansion, courtside at many Lakers games, or working head of security for Victoria Secret runway shows. His favorite drink is Folgers and Johnnie Walker, on da rocks.
Lieutenant Jack Woo is da drummer. His hands are registered as legal weapons. He has black belts in Taekwondo, Tang Soo Do and Shiatsu Massage (for da ladies) give Lt. Woo da dexterity to serve da stealthiest of drum beats. He smells like moth balls and Old Spice. His Favorite drink is Scotch and Pepto Bismol.

EV: Where did you get started playing at and where did you go from there (or dare to you).

NKG: We all joined da Party Force in 1980 back upstate but relocated to Cincinnati in June, 2008 to save da world from boring bands.

EV: What influences were inspiration in creating your band’s imaginative image.

NKG: Image? Why does everyone think our mustaches are fake?

EV: Give us a rundown of what we’ll hear at a Naked Karate Girls show?
NKG: 80’s big hair, hip hop, rock and roll…and a little funk for da ladies.

EV: How do you choose tunes for your set list?

NKG: We just play whatever songs are fun and gets people dancing and singing. We try to be very interactive with our audience. NKG is better than any other band in town because we don’t play all the same lame songs all the other lame bands play. We have a ‘No Blister In the Sun or Paralyzer’ guarantee.

EV: What have been your favorite clubs to play and what is next in the New Year?

NKG: Dare are a LOT of fun clubs, so dat’s a hard question. But in Cincinnati we like Jefferson Hall, Rhino’s, Backyard Bar and Turfway Park. Next year we are going to take da NKG jetcopter up to Put-in-Bay at the Boathouse Bar, and down to Key West Florida at Sloppy Joe’s.

EV: Is it true that Lieutenant Jack Woo is actually a retired multi millionaire that gets his gits & shiggles by beating those drums and partying at the bar? Some say he is known to buy the entire house a round when he gets a notion. Can you confirm these accounts or is it all just wishful thinking.

NKG: Nothing is confirmed but rumor has it dat Lt. Jack Woo was da inventor of da Motorola DynaTAC brick phone in 1983. He was also da sole heir to his half-brother’s estate, game show mogul Merv Griffin. Lt. Woo has been known to buy da entire house a round of Crown, but only when country music is on da juke box.

EV: Finally, how did you come about that name and do you feel ashamed of letting all the guys down who came in and paid the cover thinking there would really be 6 little cuties on the dance floor butt naked and waxed doing a roundhouse combo for all to see and admire, only to find it’s really just 4 crazy guys (one in drag) and no karate at all?

NKG: Aaron Thomas, da singer of Da Whammies suggested da name. You will not see naked girls at our show, but you will see a lot of ladies dancing on da dance floor and on da NKG party pole. But da band will karate kick you right in da jib dib every time.

EV: When are we going to see you out here on the eastside in the coming months?

NKG: Da Naked Karate Girls will be back at Rhino’s on Saturday January 17th.

We’ll be there with bells on, video camera in hand. If we can spring for the driver we’ll even share a few shots with you all.

Da Party Force will be happy to buy da first round.

Dank you for da interview.

 

 

 

 

 

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